why we are descended from beetles

Did you know that all animals are descended from the same ancestor? It's true! We know this because we all have toenails. Think about it. Beetles have outerparts that are made out of toenails. Horses have feet made out of toenails. Cats have claws made out of toenails, and even I, a lowly human, have toenails...on my toes. And to think that some idiots think we all came from a monkey ancestor. Obviously, we all came from an ancestral toenail. A large, yellowing chitonous piece of tissue that was ever growing and ever needed trimming, which it accomplished by scraping its lower parts along the rocky floor of the earth. Science has also determined that it probably also had an iffy smell exuding from its underparts, which served to attract toenails of the less yellowing and thick variety so as to propogate the species.

Genius. Pure genius. We are ever indebted to the toenail. And the beetle.

All power to the beetle.